Relationships are built on trust, intimacy, and shared moments. But where do we draw the line between being comfortable and maintaining a sense of mystery? This debate recently set the internet ablaze when a woman shared a list of things she believes wives should never let their husbands witness. While some hailed her stance as preserving the romance, others criticized it as outdated and impractical. Let’s unpack the controversy and see what sparked such a fiery reaction online.
The List That Divided the Internet
A woman named Ingri Pauline, a nutrition coach and strength specialist from Las Vegas, turned social media upside down when she posted her “rules” for wives to maintain some mystique in their marriages. According to Pauline, the key to being “treated like a lady” lies in acting like one—by keeping certain personal activities away from their husbands’ eyes.
Her list includes activities like:
- Pooping
- Popping pimples
- Plucking facial hair (except eyebrows)
- Wearing beauty masks
- Waxing bikini lines
- Wearing unflattering or embarrassing outfits
These guidelines were meant to preserve what she calls the “beauty secrets” of a wife. Pauline’s argument? Good manners and mystery keep the romance alive and protect against relationships turning into roommate-like arrangements. But as you can imagine, this didn’t sit well with everyone.
Your husband should never see you
— IronFemme Ingri 🟨🐍🟨 CSCS (@IngriPauline) May 2, 2023
poop
pop zits
pluck any hair on your face beside an eyebrow
do a face mask
wax your bikini line
see you in an outfit you would be embarrassed to be seen in by anyone else
and a bunch of other gross fundamentally human stuff
WHY?
“Good Manners” or Unrealistic Expectations?
Pauline elaborated on her stance, emphasizing the importance of etiquette in marriage. She explained that just as we say “please” and “thank you” to strangers, those courtesies should extend to our partners. “Manners and mystery,” she wrote, “are like insurance policies against boredom.”
She added, “My husband knows I go to the bathroom and come out looking and feeling better. That’s it. I like to keep it that way as much as possible.” In her eyes, these boundaries ensure that her husband continues to view her as a “lady” rather than just another person he shares a house with.
While her points may resonate with those who value privacy, the pushback she received highlights a deeper divide in how modern couples view intimacy and personal boundaries.
Mixed Reactions From Netizens
The internet, as expected, had a lot to say. Thousands of users chimed in with their opinions, creating a heated debate.
One user wrote: “Some of us are adults and don’t need to hide basic bodily functions or beauty routines from our partners.”
Another shared a personal anecdote: “After giving birth to our daughter, my husband literally held my hand while I pooped. He watched a whole child come out of me. I think he can handle seeing me in an ‘unlady-like’ state.”
On the flip side, some users defended Pauline’s perspective. One commenter noted: “Absolutely. An air of mystery should be preserved even after marriage. Just like there’s stuff I wouldn’t want to see him doing, he shouldn’t see me doing all of this either.”
This divide underscores the fact that every relationship operates differently, with its own set of comfort levels and boundaries. What works for one couple might not work for another.
The Line Between Privacy and Intimacy
The concept of privacy in relationships isn’t new. In fact, many therapists and relationship experts advocate for maintaining a degree of individuality and personal space, even in the closest partnerships. But how far should this go?
For some, intimacy means being completely vulnerable with their partner—warts and all. This includes sharing everything from physical imperfections to embarrassing moments. For others, a level of decorum helps maintain their romantic connection. Pauline’s list taps into this tension, asking whether total transparency can sometimes harm the allure of a relationship.
Does Mystery Really Keep the Romance Alive?
Pauline’s argument boils down to one central question: Does maintaining an air of mystery strengthen a marriage? While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, research suggests that preserving some personal space can enhance long-term relationships. Couples who maintain individual identities often report higher satisfaction and less boredom.
However, intimacy is also built on trust, acceptance, and shared experiences. Many believe that seeing each other in vulnerable states—such as during illness, childbirth, or moments of imperfection—can deepen the emotional bond between partners. It’s not about being “perfect” but about feeling accepted for who you truly are.
Cultural and Generational Differences in Expectations
It’s important to note that views on marriage and privacy are shaped by cultural and generational influences. Older generations may have been taught to “keep up appearances” and avoid showing certain aspects of themselves, even to their spouses. In contrast, modern relationships often celebrate authenticity and breaking down barriers of perfection.
Pauline’s list seems to harken back to more traditional views of gender roles, where women were expected to be polished and graceful at all times. This may explain why her opinions struck a nerve with a younger, more progressive audience.
What Can We Learn From This Debate?
Whether you agree with Pauline or not, her list raises an interesting point about how we navigate relationships. It’s clear that every couple must strike their own balance between privacy and intimacy.
For some, sharing every moment—even the messy ones—is a sign of true love and trust. For others, keeping certain aspects of themselves private is a way to maintain dignity, mystery, and allure. Neither approach is right or wrong; it’s all about what works for you and your partner.
Conclusion: Relationships Are Unique, Just Like You
At the end of the day, there’s no universal rulebook for relationships. What matters most is communication and mutual respect. If you and your partner are comfortable with complete transparency, embrace it. If you prefer to maintain a bit of mystery, that’s okay too.
The key is understanding each other’s expectations and finding common ground. After all, the success of a relationship isn’t determined by whether you wear a face mask in front of your partner or leave the bathroom door open—it’s about love, trust, and the ability to grow together, flaws and all.
